


Red Robin Out

by robins4ever



Series: It's Okay That You're Not [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin Eternal (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-17 00:18:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10582470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robins4ever/pseuds/robins4ever
Summary: Sometimes it doesn't make sense, is obviously the least beneficial choice. But sometimes you can't say no.





	

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Please do not read if you are depressed/suicidal or sensitive to this type of content. Read at your own discretion and please, if you are having thoughts, make efforts to seek help from trusted friends or family members. No one is ever truly alone.

     “I love you.” The words come through comm static on the other end. The world slants geometrically to the ground, framing the same boots that have peeked off many of Gotham’s ledges, have fearlessly jumped many gaps with nothing but concrete to meet twenty feet below.  
     Somewhere between that twenty feet down to Crime Alley, the Red Hood quirks his head curiously at the words. “Feeling sentimental tonight, Red?” I can’t help but laugh at the teasing, a foreign feeling in recent days. But in a way, he’s right. How many times have I stood here without a second thought, lounging without a care with a late night ice cream cone and hours to kill by way of aimless conversation? How many times have I dived head-first from these perches, bionic wings tearing at the air to pitch at precisely the last second and land on a thug’s head? How many times has it all been for play and fun, for an adrenaline-burning thrill or a sharp and deadly calculated strike? Never has it felt like this.  
     Never have I left my grapple on the rooftop to drop a little too carelessly down narrow window sills. Never have I watched the flutter of black fabric waver on the updraft to become stuck on a fire escape. Never have I wanted to dive off this height with nothing to break my fall, to simply embrace the sensation and close my eyes to the cold calculation of my brain screaming that a person cannot survive this impact. Never have I wanted to ensure that I would not survive. For once my legs tremble so badly I’m not sure I can stand. Wheels begin to turn that have been sorely neglected since I began my nightlife, shooting panic to places that have very rarely felt panic. I hold my hand up, watch it tremble in curiosity before clenching my fist.  
     A cold rush of wind blows up from the streets to tousle my hair, cooling the perspiration that has formed on my forehead. “I just thought I might tell you every once in awhile. That way you stay around for me to torture.” A quiet laugh comes from the other end and I can perfectly envision the half smirk Jason wears. It’s the same one he gets every time someone shows him affection but he’s too stubborn to admit he likes it. It’s a smile I’m going to miss.  
     I wander along the wide window sills of an apartment complex, take to jumping wider and wider gaps. My excitement climbs with a heightened sense of danger, blood thrumming in staccato rhythm with uneven heartbeats. It takes one particularly careless jump and I land with a hard huff of breath knocked out of me. “Everything good with you, Red?” Jason asks over the still active comm link. An obvious tint of concern weighs his question. Folded over the edge of a building, my hands automatically scramble in panic. Despite the effort my torso slides off the concrete, bringing me to a precarious situation with two points of contact. I take a deep breath to calm myself.  
     “Yeah I’m great, just hanging out.” Flashes of images roll through my mind. I feel the fall, my weight speeding up as I hurtle toward the ground. Everything goes black before I can hit the concrete, my mind shutting down in a last effort to protect me from the sickening crunch of my body breaking beyond repair. All it would take is a single, peaceful fall and it would all be over. I know I should be scared but I’m not, just eerily numb.  
     “You sure?” At the other end, Red Hood holsters the pistol that just propelled a bullet through a skull. The man lays in a puddle at his feet. Something’s not right and he doesn’t have time to screw around with a big talking bad guy at the moment. There’s been one moment in his second life that he voluntarily told someone he loved them. The vertical scars still haven’t faded. Neither have the track marks from his temporary hospital occupation as a human pincushion. He takes off, gliding up building sides all the while watching his helmet scanner for detection of the other bird.  
     “Yeah, just a little tired. I think I’ll turn in for the night.” It’s too much effort to lift myself from the current position, and nowhere below to land safely. Not without a grapple or cape. This is it. No thinking about the consequences, no weighing pros and cons. There’s nothing in my head but a deep sense of relief when I envision it. The scene rolls like a movie reel over and over, tempting me ever closer to goodbye.  
     My hands ache, arms trembling in vain to keep up the effort it takes to stay there. I close my eyes against the tears that still escape, count to three. One-two-  
     “Tim, wait, don’t, just-”  
     “Red Robin, out.”

 

     “It’s okay, Babybird, I’ve got you.” Kevlar is rough against my hands which grip tightly to armor. I shake uncontrollably, sounds coming from what can only be my gasping for breath. “Hey, hey look at me.” A strong hand turns my face until my eyes lock on cutting blue.  
     “I-I-I don’t want to die. I just- I just, I don’t, I’m sorry.” Tears distort the face in front of me, probably for the better so I don’t have to look at the heartbroken expression.  
     Jason chokes out words he isn’t even sure are worth saying. “I know. Believe me, I fucking know. “ He crushes the younger against himself, jaw clenched tightly.The hug feels good. Safe. We stay there until my eyes become heavy. I’m exhausted, so tired of everything. Fingers run through my hair and lull me to sleep, calm the whirling torrent of thoughts.  
     “It’s going to be okay.”


End file.
